Hello my loves! I read an article a while back about “finding your tribe” that really made me think about my own tribe, or my lack thereof. Its been so long since I read the article that I can’t find it anywhere 😢, but the concept of finding a tribe has stuck with me since. I’ve always been the loner girl, the aimless wanderer in a desert of friends. Making friends has never been an easy or natural thing for me, since I can be an extreme introvert, and kind of annoying if I’m being real with myself 😝. Even though there are still a million+ days where I feel lonely, there are a few things I’ve picked up over the years that have really helped to combat these feelings. I hope these tips I share with you will you help you to feel the same!
If you ever get to a place where you feel like Akon’s “Lonely” and Eric Carmen’s “All By Myself” are the theme songs to your life, then flip open your tech stuff and reach out! It may seem intimidating at first, or even gosh darn impossible to make friends on the web, but don’t let that inhibit you from reaching out. There are plenty of places where you can find like minded people to talk to/share/gush over your interests.
|My style blog on Tumblr. Cool huh?|
I love Tumblr for that reason alone. No matter what I’m going through and no matter my latest obsession, there will almost always be someone as dedicated to that topic as you are. Someone will get it, and that’s helped to curb a ton of lonely feelings while I was in high school. There were times when I seriously felt like I was the only person in the world when it came to some things. Going online and knowing that other people have gone through similar situations made the world feel a lot less empty. You could also hit up forums and other social media groups such as Twitter chats, Facebook groups, or Reddit threads to find others who are like-minded. You never know, you can end up making really good friends that way!
Journaling + Creative Outlets
The act of writing down my thoughts have helped to stifle a few feelings of lonesomeness in the past, especially if I really just wanted to talk about something for hours but found no one to talk about them with. I turn to my journal most days when there’s any interesting tea I just gotta spill, or if I just want to gush about a guy or a show (i.e. scream about The Mindy Project).
|My older journals (I completely forgot how much I liked my old crush 🙈I liked him a lot lol)|
Journaling has also been a great way to vent when I feel like there’s no one who will understand what I have to say, or even listen. If journaling isn’t your cup of tea, you can try blogging or art or any other means of expressing yourself. Throwing yourself into something you love and are passionate about can fight off feelings of loneliness, since you may just end up forgetting you were lonely in the first place. This can also lead you to meeting others who will share the same passion as you (What up, new friends?!).
Or books! Delving into books, movies, and even music that takes you to distant lands can help leave those lonely feelings in the dust, and introduce you to new friends (even if they are imaginary). I’ve always been a huge proponent of escapism. I would read books as if they were they were all being burned the next day. Even though I’ve turned to new mediums for escape these days (blogging, what’s good?), books have had a profound impact on my lonely days. I still have the books that I tore into during particular lonely moments in my life, like “Smile” by Raina Telgemier and “3 Willows” by Ann Brashares.
The stories of the heroines felt like they were taken straight from my life, and reading those books filled my aching heart with such courage and hope it was kind of transformational. Some of my favorite songs are the ones where I felt like they were talking directly to me, I related that much to them. “Broken Heart” by Falling Up, “New Fire” by Sent by Ravens, “Be Somebody” by Thousand Foot Crutch, and “Escape” by Fireflight were all songs that cut through the noise that life brought and resonated deeply within my lonely heart.
Finding Your Tribe
When it comes to finding your tribe, I wish I could tell you that there was some secret or magical formula for gaining friends (and gaining the right ones) but I personally don’t have it. You can buy books or read other blog posts from people promising you insta besties, and you never know it may just work out for you (If so then yay! And just know that I’m jumping up and down in excitement for you!), but in all honesty, there simply isn’t a magical formula for finding friends, other than being nice and stuff.
Don’t let that discourage you, though. You are awesome, and you’ll find that girl/guy gang that gets you to your core, that’ll be absolutely ride-or-die and will be there for you to the end. I believe that for you. And no, I haven’t really found that gang yet, which is where all of this is coming from, but I believe in good things to come, so I’m going to remain optimistic for both of us. Until then, you’re my friend, and I’m here if you need anything. Seriously. Just send me an email (I’m forever checking it lol). And keep being you. Put your best step forward and put out what you want to attract. And don’t be afraid to be friendly or to put yourself out there no matter where you are. People can seriously end up surprising you with their kindness and open hearts.
I just want to add on that being lonely can seriously suck sometimes. It can honestly be a painful experience, especially if you’re going through difficult moments in life and you just wish there was someone there in your corner rooting for you. I am always seeing people who have this whole group of loving, caring people around them, laughing it up, enjoying the gift of one another. While I am so happy that they have those people in their lives, I am always wondering when I’d ever get that. It hurts sometimes to go through painful life experiences alone, to fight demons and battles with no one in your corner who can help you out at all.
If you’re reading this and you can’t relate to this at all, then please, count yourself lucky. Never take for granted all that you have, because it is dear and precious and is meant to be cherished for as long as you have those people in your life. For those who are reading this and this strikes a particular chord, then know that you are not alone. You are not alone in your loneliness, because there are a ton of people out there who feel the same way as you. It may be hard, but darling you’ll be ok. If it helps, I hope you know that you are part of my online tribe. We’re in this loneliness struggle together!
I hope this helped you out a little. Let me know what you do to combat loneliness. If you have any tips on how to find that tribe, then leave them in the comments below. (and share where your online hangout spot is so we can hang out together, especially blogs. I like discovering new blogs to read!)
With love always,